With Nate Nate...

Tues, 24 Sept 2013
In car with Gaama, after picking up Nate from Pats, 5.45pm....
Nate climbed in and strapped himself up on passenger seat beside grandma.
Tilting his head a little, Nate instantly asked: "Gaama, where's grandpa?".
"He's in his office".
"What is he doing in his office, Grandma?
"Grandpa has work to finish. Why, Nate, do you miss Grandpa?"
The macho Nate replied,"No".
"Then why do you ask, Nate?
""I asked because I came into the car and I cannot see Grandpa".
[Factual, Macho Nate not wanting to admit he misses Grandpa].

Back in #09-06 grandms's home....
As Grandma was alone, Nate was very responsible to carry grandma's Samsung tablet carefully all the way up to the apartment. "Nate, hold it carefully. It is very expensive. You drop it, the glass will crack and it will be gone". "Ok, Grandma. How much is it?".  "$800". "You know, I have $200 but I can make it to $800. My dardy keeps my money".

Nate carefully placed my tablet on my dining table and ran off to do his usual routine:  Turned on heater of outside bathroom. Ran into Grandma's room, turned on toilet light, undressed himself and sat on the throne to do his business. Meanwhile, grandma will change into casual clothes.

"Grandma, I am done!" Nate quickly shouted. "You wait, Nate. Grandma has to go toilet. Very urgent. Describe it". "It is large, but not humongous. One only". "Try pass another one," shouted Grandma from outside bathroom. "Cannot, no more". "Then you wait until I'm done". "ok".

After cleaning Nate from his toilet seat, he would flush the water, pick up his dirty briefs from floor and run to the outside bathroom, undressed completely and step into the shower.... to be processed.

Under shower, Nate asked again:
"Grandma, where's Grandpa?"
"I told you in the car that Grandpa is working. Why, do you miss Grandpa?"
"Yes", Nate finally admits [must be thinking Grandpa would not be present to process him into clothes after shower].
"Grandma, do you live alone?" "No, I live with Grandpa".
"Why do you ask, Nate?"
"I want you to come and stay with me at my house".
"Where do I sleep, Nate?".
"In the hall.." "Nate, I dont want to sleep in the hall".
Nate took few seconds to think: "Ok, Grandma, you can sleep on mummy and dardy's bed. But, I want to tell you something. Now whenever I go to mummy's bed, Emily is always there with mummy drinking milk".
"So, what do you do, Nate?". "I have to go back to sleep in my own bed".

Shower ended, so did our conversation. Nate picked up his dirty clothes and ran into the spare room. But grandpa was not present to process Nate.
"Nate, you dress yourself and pack your dirty laundry into a plastic bag to bring back to aunty Erna for washing. Grandma has to bathe now. You can get an ntuc plastic bag from under the kitchen sink to pack your clothes".
"OK, grandma. I can do it".

Midway through my shower in my bathroom, I wondered how Nate was progressing alone. Then I heard Nate playing the Portasound happily in the hall. Presumably, all ok.

When I emerged from bathroom, I saw Nate at the Portasound and a neatly packaged ntuc bag [containing Nate's dirty laundry] sitting at the main door, ready to be carried across to 23-02 on our way out.

Good boy Nate. Independent.

TELL OUR CHILDREN THAT WE LOVE THEM

A study of high schoolers shows how important it is to tell our children we love them daily. After the counsellors had worked long enough to establish a good relationship with ten students who were facing problems in their lives, the students were asked how long it had been since their parents told them they loved them. Not a single one could remember having heard such a comment, if ever, or for a long, long time.

By contrast, ten of the best-adjusted teens interviewed answered the question quickly: "This morning", or "Last night", assured of their parents' love enveloping them.

In the busy-ness of our hectic life-pace, coping with job, family, church, recreation, educating the kids, striving for academic and sports excellence, running from enhancement class to class, pushing the kids to make every minute count.... we are often very stingy with or have no time to tell our children we love them, accompanied with a big hug and a rub on fat tummies, smell their heads, or tickle their fat cheeks, which are ever ready to give us big big grins, and laugh along with them.

We have no time to listen to the concerns, joys and hurts of young hearts because we are running on a daily agenda which must be completed. "Keep quiet, too noisy., don't talk too much. I'm very tired" stifle the effervescence and exuberance of happy hearts, bursting to share their thoughts and moments with us. Let them express themselves, otherwise they will grow up to be reserved, unable to share, churning thoughts round and round in their own minds, and not able to relate with others comfortably, in a world of their own and scheming in their own minds. Scary will be the ways when they express themselves.

Yes, we must certainly not neglect to discipline and talk sense firmly and clearly to teach our children. But in-between all the scolding, nudging, and use of harsh words on them, there must be soft, tender moments, bursts of laughter, which will warm the hearts of and bond parents and children in a loving, caring and communicative "open door" relationship for life.

"I love you"... 3 simple words from the heart, timely expressed, keeps everyone going....
Parents to Children,

and behold, Children to Parents, and not forgetting, Husband to Wife; and Wife To Husbandl!

Team Leadership Issue

Monday, 21 Jan 2013
Showering Nate. Head upturned to Gaama, shampoo on Nate's head.
"Gaama, I tell you something".
What?
"You know in school today, Miu pushed me, and strangled me, around my neck like this" [Nate put his arms around the front of his neck]
Oh dear, Nate. Why did you fight?
"Gaama, She pushed me and tried to strangle me, you know".
Gaama was appalled. Nate, did you say "she". You mean you fought with a girl!!? It is not gentleman, to fight with a girl, Nate"..
"Yes, she is a girl. But I did not fight with Miu. She fought with me".
But, why, Nate?
"I am a team leader. I told Miu that she has been in my team for too long, for over one year already. She has to go out. It is too long already [Nate reiterated again]. I told her she can be in my team in 2015. She didn't like it. So, she hit me".
Nate, who decides who is on the team. Isn't it your teacher?
"Gaama, I am the team leader in the playground. In the playground [Nate emphasized, with veins popping on his thin forehead skin], gaama. Teacher will decide inside the school. I decide in the playground".
Looks like Nate is facing a leadership issue.

Brother-hood

Monday, 14 Jan 2013

At dining table. Sam plonked himself down for dinner after being "polished" by his parents for not speaking to practise Mandarin. Eyes red, tears on eyelashes, very grouchy. Nate seated just beside gege was watching gege intently.
"Gege, are you alright?" No answer from Sam who continued to stab at his food on plate.
"Gege, are you angry?"
"No", came an abrupt answer.
"Gege, I think you are angry".
"No, I am sad", another short reply from gege.
"But Gege, I can see you are angry", Nate persisted.
"Ok, I am both angry and sad!".
Conversation ended.

Deeper Understanding of Making A Choice

Tuesday, 15 Jan 2013
Picked up Nate from Pats. Into car. Pebble, hopeful eyes looked up at gaama:.
"Gaama, can I listen to one story on your Tablet please?"
No, Nate. Do you remember last night when I was walking out of your home, I asked you a question, you put your face into the sofa and you did not want to answer me. And I told you: "Nate, if you continue to be rude and not answer me, I will not allow you to touch my Tablet". Before I walked out of your home, I gave you a warning and a chance to answer me, but you chose not to answer me. So, No, you cannot play with my Tablet.
Nate thought deeply for a moment, then sat right up and looked straight into gaama's eyes with great concern:
"You mean I cannot play your Tablet... FOREVER?" [Intelligent question, having calculated his costs, thinking ahead].
No, Nate, not FOREVER. You will get to play with Tablet once you have learned to obey and not be rude when mummy, dardy, gaama, gaapa talks to you. You could have answered me and said sorry when I gave you the chance to answer me, but you chose not to answer me. Do you understand why you don't get to touch my Tablet today?
"Yes, gaama". Nate thought for a minute... then he asked:
"But, gaama, even though I said sorry to my dardy, he still caned me. You know, this happened few times already. Why, dardy still caned me after I said sorry?"
This question took me by surprise. Nate actually heard my rationale and then applied to his own situation between his dardy and him and he needed some answers from gaama. He probably thought that the word "sorry" will save his buttocks from the smack of the cane. [which gaapa noticed that his dardy "applied tenderly" over Nate's thick layer of pants on Monday. Not pain, according to gaapa].
Nate, your dardy still caned you because he gave you a warning. Is it about kicking the car-seat yesterday? [Yes]. Dardy warned you to stop kicking the seat, if not you will get a caning when you reach home. Did you obey dardy? [No]. Did you stop kicking? [No]. So dardy had to carry out his warning. Nate, the important thing is you must obey immediately when dardy gives you a warning. You chose to disobey in the car, so you deserved the caning that dardy warned you about. Saying sorry after you disobeyed is good, but not good enough to take away the caning. You must obey right away, otherwise caning will come, as promised by dardy. We keep our promises, Nate. [I know]. If you have done wrong, you must take your punishment like a man. Do you understand, Nate? [Yes]. So, what must you do if you don't want to be caned?
"I must obey right away. Gaama.,when can I play your Tablet again?" [Nate never forgot his main concern:)]
You will get to play Tablet when you have learnt obedience and you are not rude. Maybe two days later. Let us see, ok?
"Ok",

Nate then relaxed back peacefully into his car-seat. Issue settled between gaama and a  5-year-old boy. It is interesting that Nate reflected, churned it through his brain, understood the crux of the matter, how it worked [or rather how it did not work out for him], and connected it with his encounters with his dardy and asked why. Nate accepted the explanation well, and is looking forward for this episode to pass him by when he can get his hands onto the Tablet again. Gaapa the chauffeur was following closely the conversation between gaama and Nate in the back seat, with wonder and amusement.

I always enjoy all my conversations with our grandkidz and I am often challenged to have to think very quickly to give them answers when they responded with their intelligent questions... why, why.... but, but.... do you know, gaama?    Most of all, I LISTEN to the BIG concerns and HURTS [My heart is broken and painful... courtesy of Sam] of little hearts, thankful to God that they are very teachable, very open to express themselves, and surprisingly mature to be able to reason things out with us adults, and go away cheered, hugged and still  feel loved by us all, despite the discipline accorded to them. Kidz are growing through different phases of childhood.

We are indeed blessed!