TELL OUR CHILDREN THAT WE LOVE THEM

A study of high schoolers shows how important it is to tell our children we love them daily. After the counsellors had worked long enough to establish a good relationship with ten students who were facing problems in their lives, the students were asked how long it had been since their parents told them they loved them. Not a single one could remember having heard such a comment, if ever, or for a long, long time.

By contrast, ten of the best-adjusted teens interviewed answered the question quickly: "This morning", or "Last night", assured of their parents' love enveloping them.

In the busy-ness of our hectic life-pace, coping with job, family, church, recreation, educating the kids, striving for academic and sports excellence, running from enhancement class to class, pushing the kids to make every minute count.... we are often very stingy with or have no time to tell our children we love them, accompanied with a big hug and a rub on fat tummies, smell their heads, or tickle their fat cheeks, which are ever ready to give us big big grins, and laugh along with them.

We have no time to listen to the concerns, joys and hurts of young hearts because we are running on a daily agenda which must be completed. "Keep quiet, too noisy., don't talk too much. I'm very tired" stifle the effervescence and exuberance of happy hearts, bursting to share their thoughts and moments with us. Let them express themselves, otherwise they will grow up to be reserved, unable to share, churning thoughts round and round in their own minds, and not able to relate with others comfortably, in a world of their own and scheming in their own minds. Scary will be the ways when they express themselves.

Yes, we must certainly not neglect to discipline and talk sense firmly and clearly to teach our children. But in-between all the scolding, nudging, and use of harsh words on them, there must be soft, tender moments, bursts of laughter, which will warm the hearts of and bond parents and children in a loving, caring and communicative "open door" relationship for life.

"I love you"... 3 simple words from the heart, timely expressed, keeps everyone going....
Parents to Children,

and behold, Children to Parents, and not forgetting, Husband to Wife; and Wife To Husbandl!

Team Leadership Issue

Monday, 21 Jan 2013
Showering Nate. Head upturned to Gaama, shampoo on Nate's head.
"Gaama, I tell you something".
What?
"You know in school today, Miu pushed me, and strangled me, around my neck like this" [Nate put his arms around the front of his neck]
Oh dear, Nate. Why did you fight?
"Gaama, She pushed me and tried to strangle me, you know".
Gaama was appalled. Nate, did you say "she". You mean you fought with a girl!!? It is not gentleman, to fight with a girl, Nate"..
"Yes, she is a girl. But I did not fight with Miu. She fought with me".
But, why, Nate?
"I am a team leader. I told Miu that she has been in my team for too long, for over one year already. She has to go out. It is too long already [Nate reiterated again]. I told her she can be in my team in 2015. She didn't like it. So, she hit me".
Nate, who decides who is on the team. Isn't it your teacher?
"Gaama, I am the team leader in the playground. In the playground [Nate emphasized, with veins popping on his thin forehead skin], gaama. Teacher will decide inside the school. I decide in the playground".
Looks like Nate is facing a leadership issue.

Brother-hood

Monday, 14 Jan 2013

At dining table. Sam plonked himself down for dinner after being "polished" by his parents for not speaking to practise Mandarin. Eyes red, tears on eyelashes, very grouchy. Nate seated just beside gege was watching gege intently.
"Gege, are you alright?" No answer from Sam who continued to stab at his food on plate.
"Gege, are you angry?"
"No", came an abrupt answer.
"Gege, I think you are angry".
"No, I am sad", another short reply from gege.
"But Gege, I can see you are angry", Nate persisted.
"Ok, I am both angry and sad!".
Conversation ended.

Deeper Understanding of Making A Choice

Tuesday, 15 Jan 2013
Picked up Nate from Pats. Into car. Pebble, hopeful eyes looked up at gaama:.
"Gaama, can I listen to one story on your Tablet please?"
No, Nate. Do you remember last night when I was walking out of your home, I asked you a question, you put your face into the sofa and you did not want to answer me. And I told you: "Nate, if you continue to be rude and not answer me, I will not allow you to touch my Tablet". Before I walked out of your home, I gave you a warning and a chance to answer me, but you chose not to answer me. So, No, you cannot play with my Tablet.
Nate thought deeply for a moment, then sat right up and looked straight into gaama's eyes with great concern:
"You mean I cannot play your Tablet... FOREVER?" [Intelligent question, having calculated his costs, thinking ahead].
No, Nate, not FOREVER. You will get to play with Tablet once you have learned to obey and not be rude when mummy, dardy, gaama, gaapa talks to you. You could have answered me and said sorry when I gave you the chance to answer me, but you chose not to answer me. Do you understand why you don't get to touch my Tablet today?
"Yes, gaama". Nate thought for a minute... then he asked:
"But, gaama, even though I said sorry to my dardy, he still caned me. You know, this happened few times already. Why, dardy still caned me after I said sorry?"
This question took me by surprise. Nate actually heard my rationale and then applied to his own situation between his dardy and him and he needed some answers from gaama. He probably thought that the word "sorry" will save his buttocks from the smack of the cane. [which gaapa noticed that his dardy "applied tenderly" over Nate's thick layer of pants on Monday. Not pain, according to gaapa].
Nate, your dardy still caned you because he gave you a warning. Is it about kicking the car-seat yesterday? [Yes]. Dardy warned you to stop kicking the seat, if not you will get a caning when you reach home. Did you obey dardy? [No]. Did you stop kicking? [No]. So dardy had to carry out his warning. Nate, the important thing is you must obey immediately when dardy gives you a warning. You chose to disobey in the car, so you deserved the caning that dardy warned you about. Saying sorry after you disobeyed is good, but not good enough to take away the caning. You must obey right away, otherwise caning will come, as promised by dardy. We keep our promises, Nate. [I know]. If you have done wrong, you must take your punishment like a man. Do you understand, Nate? [Yes]. So, what must you do if you don't want to be caned?
"I must obey right away. Gaama.,when can I play your Tablet again?" [Nate never forgot his main concern:)]
You will get to play Tablet when you have learnt obedience and you are not rude. Maybe two days later. Let us see, ok?
"Ok",

Nate then relaxed back peacefully into his car-seat. Issue settled between gaama and a  5-year-old boy. It is interesting that Nate reflected, churned it through his brain, understood the crux of the matter, how it worked [or rather how it did not work out for him], and connected it with his encounters with his dardy and asked why. Nate accepted the explanation well, and is looking forward for this episode to pass him by when he can get his hands onto the Tablet again. Gaapa the chauffeur was following closely the conversation between gaama and Nate in the back seat, with wonder and amusement.

I always enjoy all my conversations with our grandkidz and I am often challenged to have to think very quickly to give them answers when they responded with their intelligent questions... why, why.... but, but.... do you know, gaama?    Most of all, I LISTEN to the BIG concerns and HURTS [My heart is broken and painful... courtesy of Sam] of little hearts, thankful to God that they are very teachable, very open to express themselves, and surprisingly mature to be able to reason things out with us adults, and go away cheered, hugged and still  feel loved by us all, despite the discipline accorded to them. Kidz are growing through different phases of childhood.

We are indeed blessed!

Relaxing at Sentosa

Always happy to be with one another!

Gaama and Gaapa!

Fri, 23 Sept 2011.... Gaampa joined EK, Julie, Jon and Emma at the Hard Rock Hotel on Sentosa. Jon and Emma were thrilled to welcome us and brought us around the pools. They took some snapshots of gaamapa. "Are you staying for the night?". they asked. "Come and try my bed, gaama. It is very comfy", offered Jon. He happily posed for a couple of shots. "I want to have a nice photo for my Facebook!" 

Relaxed in the cool air-con room. Gaamapa took long showers to cool down before proceeding for dinner. We walked through through the Festive Hotel and Michael Hotel, the line of shops and restaurants, to have a look at Universal. Kids held gaaamapa's hands and showed us around. Easy exploratory stroll.

Takes his "job" seriously.

Dinner at Din Da Fang. Took some time to pick our menu. Jon was elated and slurped down his noodles and dumplings in pretty quick time. He was generous to offer to share his food, grinning from ear to ear, sitting across gaama. EK was official photographer at dinner. Jon could not help but snap a shot of his daddy when he saw his daddy enjoying his meal. Em was grouchy at dinner but nonetheless, we all enjoyed our meal and fellowship. Missed uncle Kevin, ye ye Karen, Sam and Nate Nate. "Wished they are here", said Jon. Always ready for more cousins' rowdy fun.

Jon took a snapshot of his daddy enjoying chicken soup.

A happy Jon, lots to say, comfortable and enjoys his conversation.

"I want a picture for my Facebook!".
A fine young man, our first-born grandson Jonathan Gan Tian En.

Jon was ferried after school on a school day to "holiday" at Sentosa due to Julie's special arrangement package with hotel. Reminded Jon clearly that this was a special privilege to have a break in the midst of school-week, and that he had to work doubly hard the next week. "I know, gaama".  "Give him a break, relax the rules a little tonight, Ju", gaama reminded stern mama. "Thanks, gaama, for lobbying for me", Jon whispered. big smile on his face. "Study hard next week!", gaama hissed. "I know".

Gaamapa noticed that Jon seems to have "suddenly" matured overnight the past few weeks. He reaches out to relate and talks more. Jon is getting to be a charming young man and funny too. Very conversational. Exuberance of youth and an ever ferocious appetite. True blue ACS boy. Oh no! Corny sense of humour. Great company. Tends to exaggerate to illustrate his point in conversation and gets carried away, bursting into laughter, musing over his own jokes. And then his mamma will frown hard and brings him instantly back to earth. Jon now listens more before he reacts. That's good. Overall attitude has improved. Work on it, Jon.  Not so inward looking and so focused on self as before.  Complains less too and listens more. Speaks very well, good command of language and vocab, and relates well. He is more relaxed, listens,, thinks and enjoys the interaction. Jon gives special grins, all teeth showing, when his corny [like gaapa's] sense of humour overtakes him. I like it that he looks at us in the eyes when he communicates. Thank God that Jon is a happy young man and comfortable with himself and the family. Our kids to be able to share and express in open communication with parents and family is something to be treasured and built upon. Pray that God will help EK, Julie and all of us, to nurture Jon into a fine Christian young man.

Dainty Emma Gan has good posture, ballet training.

Emma was her sweet, so soft-spoken self, hanging on to gaama, and asking "Gaama, are you staying with us tonight?". She was very pleased when I handed her the camera to snap shots of us at the poolside and took the task seriously. It took gaama a long time standing there patiently for Em to place gaama exactly into the camera frame before she pressed the button. Must be e x a c t!! Quick, Emma, quick. My smile is freezing!

My gaama and I... two dynamic gals, apart from  mamma and Yeye Karen.

Thank God for all His blessings. 

We had a great day!

Nate has spurts of emotional expression!

On way back from Pats last Tuesday, Nate, out of the blues, suddenly smiled and looked me in the eyes, a little shyly, and offered: "Gaama, you are the best grandma in the world, ever!".
Wow, it took me by surprise! Where did that come from, I wondered. "Well, thank you, Nate".
Sam then joined in. "Yes, and gaapa is the best gaapa in the world, ever!".
I don't think both boyz were out to get us to buy their favourite beef horfun because our car had passed Thomson Medical.

Nate has great PR!
When I walked in to Sam's room two Saturdays ago, Sam was occupied with mama with value-add, as usual. Nate was busy sorting out some stuff by himself seated on the floor near to Sam's desk. Upon seeing me, Nate said: "Gaama, I was waiting for you, you know".  "Oh, is it, Nate? I am here", and he grinned and gave me the usual hug.
I honestly didn't think Nate was waiting for me on Sat morning! He probably felt a surge of emotive love when I walked in, and he certainly knows what to say to please gaama.

I'm here, gaama!

On Sat, 24 Sept, during Sam's BD party, action was getting a little rough among the boyz in the pool. Gaama swam to middle of pool to caution Jonathan Gan to keep an eye on cousin Nate, floating around with two hands holding on to his float, beside the huge float that Jon and other kids were balancing upon. Upon sighting me, Nate immediately shouted: "Gaama, I was looking for you, you know".
Now, I knew for sure that Nate was so caught up with the frolics and fun with the kids in the pool. He would not harbour the slightest thought of gaama. I guess he was happy to see me when I appeared in the pool. His heart bust forth with joy and his lips verbalized his emotions.

Gaama is touched!

Gaama has a preview of what to expect!! Educational tour.